I can’t stop shaking. I’ve been shaking for two hours. I’m on the verge of tears.
There’s nothing like it when you get a phone call or a text saying someone you care about or cared about is in the hospital. That gut wrenching feeling that you should be there immediately and worrying if something horrible has happened that you won’t be able to make it in time.
I got that text today. Jake’s (my ex) mom texted me and told me he was in the ER. That he’d hit his head, passed out, and started throwing up. I panicked. We broke up in September and I pretty much hated his guts, but I had to go. I knew his girlfriend would probably be there, but I had to go.
When I got there he was surprised to see me, but so was the rest of the group. He was far from alone. Our Instructor was there. His Aunt, Uncle, two cousins, and girlfriend were there. While we stood there for a little while, his dad, step-mom, and step-brother showed up and his Mom and brother were on the way. It was a full house.
It’s not that I felt iced out or unwelcome. Quite the opposite actually. He talked to me and laughed with me. His aunt raved about how cute my snapchat stories of my kitty are. Everyone hugged me and said it was so good to see me and they’d missed me. I felt more loved with them than I do with even my own family. Meanwhile, Renee sat in the corner just gritting her teeth.
His mom was so grateful that I’d shown up, but she was texting me the whole time I was standing there. I told her he was fine and who all was there and she got upset. “Ugh I wish Renee would leave!” That was news. I thought they loved her. She went on to tell me that he doesn’t love her and that he still loves me. She said he lights up when he talks about me but that his face changes every time someone mentions my name. She said she prays we will get back together and that their whole family misses me being around. After I left she said that his aunt had sent her a snapchat of Jake. She replied to the snap by saying, “Oh he has that Clara smile.” His Aunt said, ” I was just thinking the same thing.”
Now I know this shouldn’t phase me. I’m getting married. I’m finally dating the right man. I’m finally happy. Jake was a monster. The majority of our relationship was a nightmare. He was mean and cruel and he was pretty much cheating on me for more than half of the time we were together. He always had a couple of girls that he texted more than he texted me and talked to very inappropriately. It was awful. Getting away from him was the best thing I ever did. I’m so much happier and so much better off.
So why do I feel like someone ripped my heart open?