Being apart is hard. On the bad days I can’t just come home and cuddle up with you on the couch. On the good days we can’t laugh together and celebrate. On the taxing days we can’t comfort each other as we figure out a plan of action. All we have are our words. We comfort and figure things out together through Skype dates and long phone calls. We talk everything through and do our best not to get bogged down by the circumstances.
Yes it sucks, but we are stronger for it.
Communicating is definitely the hardest thing in any relationship. Most of the time, couples take years and therapy to start speaking the same language. Women blow things out of proportion and speak in haste while men say things they don’t really mean and don’t bother to think before they speak. It’s a terrible circumstance but one that is totally unavoidable.
Women are unreasonable in many ways. We read way to far into things and we hold grudges over what we think someone meant instead of taking their words at face value. This has definitely gotten even worse with the introduction of texting and instant messaging. Sarcasm and playful inflections are lost in a text, leaving the words to interpretation. The reader can glean two entirely different meanings from a text based on their mood or another conversation they might be having at the same time. The divided attention paired with the difference in personality leaves a whole lot of room for misinterpretation.
Alan and I have definitely had to figure out our way around these things. He is a man so he doesn’t think about things he says nearly as much as I do. I’m still not great at it, but I’m definitely more forgiving when he says something stupid and I blow it out of proportion. We take five minutes to relax and then we come back and discuss the situation again.
But how do we make it all work? How do we push through the bad days to get to the good? Yeah it gets hard but looking forward is the key. We Skype most nights and talk on the phone every night. We cook dinner at the same time and watch movies at the same time. Just the other day he asked me to send him a document. I included a picture from a boudoir shoot I did before the wedding. It’s not much but he’ll get a nice little surprise when he opens the envelope today. It’s all about being thoughtful and arranging little things to make someone smile.
He loves getting notes. I write notes and hide them all through his apartment before I leave each time. I found a letter I wrote him months ago so I folded it up and sent it to him. It’s the little things that make it all work.
So I’m not saying there is a perfect recipe. Obviously see each other as much as you can and work on communicating, but just be thoughtful. Try to do things together. Try to send little surprises to make an ordinary day a little less ordinary. Of course, there is the major perk that when you see each other it feels like the first time. The spark is never gone. <3